Project Lingerie

This might be a day late and a dollar short but I'm going for it anyway!

On the newest installment of Project Runway, the show that aks, "Are you in or are you out?" we had the remaining contestants pitch their ideas to host and ubermodel Heidi Klum for sexy lingerie. Sporting a big "bump" curtesy of hubbie Seal, she obviously knows a lot about sexy nighties. That and she works for Victoria's Secret.

(This is sort of irrelevant to our contestants and all but I must say that while Heidi has maintained her beautiful looks in these pre-birth shows, her hair looks a bit, shall we say, greasy and not-so-blond. I know you can't bleach/dye hair during pregnancy so I can't wait to see what happens to her hair throughout the show!)

Each contestant pitched his or her idea but the four best ones would be chosen as team leaders and they would then choose team members (reminscent, this was, to waiting around to be chosen for a baseball team in grade school) to carry out their idea for a lingerie line.

The winners were:

Geek Asian Girl (Diana) with her "Goddess" line. It was somewhere between crazy Cher-ware and flowing Greek goddess gownsVery conceptual is what everyone kept saying. (In other words, would it translate into something consumers would want?)

Santino the Arrogant Jerk with his Heidi-inspired leederhosen something-or-other desgins.

Daniel V. with his "Revenge" line which is supposed to be lingerie with a twist of men'sware to show that an ex-girlfriend can get revenge using YOUR things (men).

Finally, former reject Daniel F. with his "Lovemaking" designs that were supposed to put the romance and tenderness back into dirty shameful monkey sex.

Teams were chosen with Emmett and "Can't-sew, can't cut" Marla as the last to be chosen. It was not pretty but oh well. Off they went.

Right off the bat, Daniel F., who is very meticulous and a perfectionist drove his team mad as they cut and sewed and recut and restyled mannequins and threatened to kill him ("wait till after the challenge, please," he pleaded) and even..."cut his pee-pee." Lorena Bobbit was in the house.

Nick was able to catch Santino's groove but their partner Emmett was "dead weight." He frustrated the heck out of Santino who was also busy making fun of Diana's team. How would they design lingerie, he wondered, when none of them had ever had sex? Low blow!

Speaking of which, Diana seemed to be over her head alright. But I don't think sex was the problem. As I mentioned earlier, it was coception. As in conceptual art. She was accused of being very young and therefore thinking about this from the wrong place. But she'd pitched it to Heidi so what was the problem? Her team consisted of Marla and Guadalupe.

The fourth and last team was Daniel' V's "Revenge" team. They finished pretty quickly as the others went nuts, from Santino's meltdown over the progress or lack thereof that Emmett made (or didn't make) on his dummy to Daniel F's constant rethinking and reworking of his Lovemaking designs.

Finally, it was time for the show. One of Diana's model's was refusing to don her lingerie. Apparently she found it "innapropriate". Diana pointed out she should not be a model if she has a problem with this sort of thing and is always this difficult. I agree and hope she's cut.

(By the way, the models are not emphasized as much this season. I feel like Tyra Banks must have threatened Heidi Klum or something.)

The team that won was announced first. Santino's desings, for once, failed to wow. As a matter of fact, defending them to the judges he was quite belligerent and felt they didn't "get it." I don't think anyone will "get it" wearing this ghastly line unless the lights are off. The winner was Daniel V with "Revenge".

Next to go (though barely as it was pointed out that Daniel V's scores were much higher than anyone's) was the team behind "Goddess". Virgins or not, they were apparently better at producing lingerie than Santino and Daniel F.

When asked who should go from his team, Santino quickly said Emmett while Nick concurred, though he was quick to say "if I had to choose". As for Daniel's losing team, whose lingerie production was considered "old", plus "identical", Daniel cried as he informed the judges that no one ever worked so hard and never would he sell these two girls (Chloe and Kara) out. Judges deliberated. The team members were safe. Up on the chopping block: team leaders Santino and Daniel F.

The one to go? Let's just say Santino will have a chance to redeem himself. Daniel F, who was back on the show for exactly that purpose, apparently left having done so plus gaining the respect of his peers and the judges. Go on making love, Daniel F!