We Saw It Coming

Ok, boys and girls. This is what you've all been waiting for with bated breath. Or not. Perhaps you're just bored and have nothing better to do for the next couple of minutes. Even so, I shan't dissapoint. Or I'll try not to.

But truth be told, last night's conclusion of "America's Next Top Model" in which a new America's Next Top Model was crowned to regin for about a year as America's Next Top Model and do cheesy "My Life as a Cover Girl" spots (not real commercials, mind you) that only run on "America's Next Top Model" and possibly a career as a reality star like the first America's Next Top Model, Adrianne Curry, had no real drama. Everything happened as it was supposed to:

First, the girls got ready to shoot their Cover Girl commercial. At this point, I was a little nervous because the show had just started and already we were rolling right along toward the end. Would the judges pull a fast one and elect third-rate model Bre? Or would they throw political caution to the wind and choose a woman of color for the third cycle in a row, giving the prize to Nik?

It was certainly possible as Nicole froze up during the commercial shoot and just could not utter her lines to save her life. Finally, they had to be fed to her. Yikes! Undeterred, she went on to pose prettily as ever for the magazine ad. Nik nailed her spot and her picture was flawless. Bre's picture had a stiff smile and her commercial read was shaky.

The judges deliberated and sent Bre packing, siting her lack of consistency. The other two were always right on target, taking great pictures but Bre had taken some bad ones in the beginning. Bye-bye Bre, I'm glad you made up with Nicole before being sent home. She seemed pleased that she got to go from Harlem to London and I'm pleased for her.

Next, the girls did a runway show in which they shared the catwalk with the likes of Eva and Naima. You remember them, right? They won the coveted America's Next Top Model crown in Cycle's Three and Four. And have you seen them lately? Unlikely, unless you watch America's Next Top Model and the Tyra Banks show. Really, what is it these poor girls win???

The show was quite stupid, with each model reading Shakesperean lines on a big screen in the background. You haven't lived until you've heard Naima recite Shakespeare! I wasn't totally impressed withthe progress Naima and Eva have made now that they've been "models" for one and two years. But have they had steady work even?

At the end of the show, the girls still in long gowns, the judges were ready to decide. They went back and forth between Nicole being "just pretty" and Nik being "too bouncy" on the runway. How could she help it? She had no bra on!

Finally, they called the girls back in and announced the new America's Next Top Model is...Nicole! Yawn. I knew that like four weeks ago. It was in the bag! She had everything going for her: consistently good, pretty pictures, not too stiff competition, and being in the top three with two black girls. Politics dictated it was a white girl's turn. I'm not saying she didn't deserve it. I adored Nik but how can a pretty china doll like Nicole not win? She was too good to pass up. I hope Nik does not give up and does indeed pursue real modeling, not fame through being associated with the show but real modeling, like on magazines. Actually, it's probably best she DIDN'T win as the show has not made a Top Model of anyone. As if Tyra Banks would allow that!

On that note, French "Vogue" is dedicating an entire issue to cocaine snorting-Kate Moss. To show they support her. I'm not saying support is a bad thing but what will little girls think? "I'm going to be a supermodel some day and snort coke so I can have an entire magazine dedicated to me." Still, Moss is at least a real model. I'd rather buy a whole mag with nothing but Kate's pictures (even with coke up her nose) than one with Naima! So here's to Shandy, Brittney, Kahleen, Nik and Nicole: Please, girls, get real modeling jobs! Don't let all those little girls (and boys) down!