One Day at a Time

As many of you are aware, the 4th of July is one of my least favorite holidays. I love America, don't get me wrong, but I hate loud noises! Now, to make matters worse, this holiday always brings to mind the death of my cat Hermes. He disappeared on the 4th in 2006 only to turn up half-dead. He had been hiding, looking for a place to go die. At that point I took him to the vet and he was hospitalized for two long weeks. Unfortunately, there was nothing the vet could do- he had renal failure and we put him down. He died in my arms.

On a much lighter note, I was happy to finally locate Lipton's new "sparkling" tea at Target. It wasn't the flavor I wanted, though- they only sell Kiwi Strawberry- so I may have to go ahead with an experiment I had brewed in my head. See, I am a big fan of their (diet) green tea with citrus and was very intrigued by their new carbonated formula. But because I had a hard time finding it in stores (it's been sold in Europe for a while now), I had come up with the idea to buy some club soda and packets of "Green Tea to Go" as well as maybe some Crystal Lite lemonade to-go packets and mix it all up. I also was thinking of adding the packets of green tea with ginger and honey that I buy at the Asian markets to some club soda to see how THAT goes.

Have been taking life one day at a time, not so much like an addict does but just keeping in mind what Jesus taught:

²⁵"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? ²⁶Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? ²⁷Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?

²⁸"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. ²⁹Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. ³⁰If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? ³¹So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' ³²For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. ³³But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. ³⁴Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

This is especially helpful with a rough economy and for me, personally, with the long distance between myself and the man I love.

MJ

Feeling weird today. Number one, I didn't go to church. I was too exhausted after several days straight of too much activity, which I can't handle physically because of suffering from fibromyalgia. Right now, I was listening to music and suddenly remembered my boyfriend. I rarely don't think of him, but sometimes our minds are filled with other things and for a few seconds what is usually very prominent kind of recedes to the background. Anyway, it hit me- I have a boyfriend! It was funny because at the time, I was just sitting around reading Michael Jackson's biography online. I have been watching his music videos all day. I am going to watch the BET Awards, something I pretty much never do, just so I can enjoy the many newly-scheduled homages to the King of Pop.

It's weird. I wasn't his biggest fan in elementary school, when I first became aware of him. And I certainly wasn't a fan when he released "Bad", the album that I think took too long to make and caused him some fanbase. I was a metalhead by then (at the very least a "rocker") and I wasn't interested in MJ's brand of music. But I secretly enjoyed some of the songs- especially "Smooth Criminal" because of the video.

I know it makes me very naive to say this, but I have always been unwilling to believe that Michael Jackson molested any children. I think he was a little off his rocker because of his very difficult upbringing as a child star and the physical and emotional abuse at the hands of his father, and that in turn with the isolation of being the world's biggest star, put him in a position that no one else on the planet could actually relate to. And I think that he tried to recreate the childhood he never had by extending a hand of friendship to many children, especially boys because he was a male. But who knows, maybe I just don't want to believe it because I really like a lot of his music and there has never been concrete proof!

It's very hot today. The BET Awards are about to start. I am going to watch now. I think my boyfriend has returned to the front of my mind again so it doesn't seem weird to me at all that I have one. It's just funny that a year ago today I had no idea he even existed...

I Can Spell That!

The winning word for last night's National Spelling Bee was something that I could have actually been able to spell. Most people at my church (unless they suffer from short-term memory loss or are just really poor spellers) would have too. That is because the word, laodicean, which means someone who is lukewarm or indifferent in religion or politics, comes straight from the Bible. Sure, that wasn't mentioned in the article I read about the winner or her winning word but it is. It comes from a verse in the book of Revelations, where a powerful and brilliant Jesus addresses the different churches and gives them warnings or kudos. The Laodiceans were lukwarm and Jesus was going to spit them out of his mouth. (Like coffee that's neither hot nor cold, a Christian being lukewarm is disgusting to Jesus.) We often use this Scripture in Bible studies to show people how you can't be indifferent or sit on the fence when it comes to following Jesus. You can either be an atheist or a true, fired up disciple of his, but nothing in-between.

This is the passage, for those who are interested:

To the Church in Laodicea 14 "To the angel of the church in Laodicea write: These are the words of the Amen, the faithful and true witness, the ruler of God's creation. 15 I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either one or the other! 16 So, because you are lukewarm—neither hot nor cold—I am about to spit you out of my mouth. 17 You say, 'I am rich; I have acquired wealth and do not need a thing.' But you do not realize that you are wretched, pitiful, poor, blind and naked. 18 I counsel you to buy from me gold refined in the fire, so you can become rich; and white clothes to wear, so you can cover your shameful nakedness; and salve to put on your eyes, so you can see. 19 Those whom I love I rebuke and discipline. So be earnest, and repent. 20 Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with him, and he with me. 21 To him who overcomes, I will give the right to sit with me on my throne, just as I overcame and sat down with my Father on his throne. 22 He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches."

Needless to say, that's probably the first winning word that I've been able to spell so good job, Kavya! And all you other good spellers!

How Sweet it Is

So today is my one-week anniversary of being Nathan's girlfriend. A week ago today I was at the lake....we had lunch at a picnic table, shared some laughs with our friends. Then he asked me to take a walk with him.

I was wearing wedge sandals, so he had to hold my had to help me climb over rocks. He was going ahead of me so that he could get a feel for which rocks would be easier for me to step on. There were lizards crawling here and there. He found a spot: a rock that faced the water and was nestled by shrubs. He said, "Sit here with your feet over the edge." I noticed these beautiful orange wildflowers which matched my outfit.

He said, "Do you want to pray with me?"

I said, "Yes."

He began to pray and when he finished, it was my turn, but I choked up. I was praying, thanking God for my friendship with Nathan, something I never thought could happen. At that point, he put his arm around me and held my hand. Then he said, "I have something for you."

He reached into the messenger bag he'd been carrying and handed me something. It was a framed photograph of the two of us.

He said, "There's more."

So he reached in again and handed me a blue card. It had my name on it and he'd written in it and decorated it with black stickers of numbers.

It was a countdown. It started with 9 months of friendship and kept going down. I had to turn it around and it continued. The back said, "Whenever I needed you, you were always there 4 me", then "Even though you were over 300 miles away", then "And with only 2 days left together before the next time we see each other again", "I would like to ask you this 1 question".

I looked up at him. He held my hand again. He told me how special I was to him and other sweet things. Then he asked, "Would you like to be my girlfriend?"

I said, "Yes!" and we embraced.

We were on our little spot a while longer. He jumped off the rock and picked me an orange wildflower. We then walked back to the picnic bench and our friends hand-in-hand. It felt sweet to be holding his hand. The people who were having a picnic next to us (a noisy bunch) started to say in Spanish, "They're getting married!" It was funny.

I guess it was a big deal for something like being asked to be a girlfriend, not a wife, but that's how we roll in God's kingdom. Things are done up special. I was so glad that he made it special for me because it was a dream come true for me. I have definitely been blessed with a wonderful boyfriend!

Return Trip

Well, I am back from my trip to Arizona! I had a GREAT time with Nathan but also his ministry. Brenda and I got there quite late on Friday (so late it was almost Saturday) but we had dinner with Nate at Denny's. I was so excited to see him! He looked so good since he got a haircut. And he was really diggin' my flip-flops. I think he was glad to see me in flat shoes. He has this thing about wanting to see me be comfortable and also worrying I am going to eat in when I wear stilettos. Actually, since the rest of the weekend I wore closed-toe heels, that was the only time I got to show off my new nail polish. It's a dark gray color and it's called Gunmetal. Love it! He thought the name was awesome. I am not sure if it's because he knows how to shoot all kinds of guns (though he doesn't necessarily like to shoot) or because men just find guns neat.

When we got to the house where we were staying (he arranged for us to stay with a sister from church who lives close to him) our beds had brand new towel sets and shower gel and a card. We also had little bottles of water and glasses, like at a hotel!

The next morning we got up for a special prayer breakfast. There is a single (newly divorced) man who every weekend has the single men from the ministry come over to his house for breakfast and prayer. Well, it just so happened we were there on a weekend where all the single women were invited to join and actually it was a time to honor them. So they had arranged tables and chairs to look like restaurant and they had actual menus and they served us what we picked out. (I got a very specific omelette with ingredients I chose and some hot tea.) Throughout we had a Bible trivia game going. I was excluded from one of the questions because Nathan had used one of my own questions from our last date and a game we played then (back in early March).

When we were done eating we went outside to pray and sing songs. The last song was the brothers singing "We Love You with the Love of the Lord" to us. It moved us.

Afterward a group of us went on a large group date to this outdoor mall and we ate at Johnny Rockets and I got to share a milkshake with him (I didn't order my own). Afterward we went to the same guy's house where we had breakfast and hung out and watched a movie. The next day was church and they were having a large meeting of the entire Phoenix area churches and funnily enough the sermon was done by one of our L.A. area ministers and also our elders were there for an elders conference. After church Nathan, his roommate, Brenda and I went to lunch together at T.G.I.Friday's and then Brenda and I took off. Overall it was a great time and I feel even more sure that I want to spend forever with him.

Hearts Afire

I didn't know I had such eager fans of my personal romance! It's been really sweet. I have always wanted to experience this but even though it is happening and pretty much going how it needs to be going, it's been really hard on me.

I realize that might need clarification.

Well, for starters....I have this fear of jeopardizing my relationship with God by falling in love with a man and sort of possibly replacing God in the Truest Love department. It's sort of a fine line to walk. But one thing that makes it easy is that not only is that impossible for someone to do- to replace God in my heart- but the great thing is that Nate is a man of God who himself loves God more than anything in the whole world. He often, when I am experiencing strong emotions, points me back to God either with Scripture or just by talking to me as his sister in Christ.

Just to make sure, I asked God to romance me. He did. One day after mymorning shower I looked out a tiny opening in my curtains and all I could see was a single white rose. Later I discovered it was the ONLY rose on all the rose bushes, and it was the only thing I could see that morning. Very beautiful. She survived storm and hail, by the way, and is still there.

One thing about emotions is that I have had plenty of them lately. That is, I have been emotional, often crying a lot. Valentine's Day, or at least the Thursday before it, was really hard. I found out my trip to Arizona had to be cancelled because the friend I was going with could not drive us there since her grandmother had to be hospitalized.

So Nathan is coming here, God willing, in a couple of weeks. He was here at the end of January. The photos are from that trip. I had a wonderful time.

But the emotions are not just related to love and its pleasure and pain. It's also because I have fibroid tumors in my uterus, as I just found out last Saturday. I have a pelvic ultrasound tomorrow to find out the details. It's been wreaking havoc on my body, though. Hopefully it will get better. And I know whether or not Nate see each other or not in person, we have definitely bonded in a way that kind of transcends that. To God be the glory!

Gratitude '09

Last August, when I checked my inbox in the church online friends site, a little chat box popped up and my very own Superman was there to greet me and politely ask me to chat:

It was like a sign, considering how much I love the Man of Steel. Although there isn't a real Superman, I'm glad I can count on having my own human version around. I'm sitting here, cold, wondering if I should eat dinner though I had a bit of Blueberry Lavender Sorbet and I am contemplating happiness and also personal and spiritual growth. I'm also enjoying looking at a picture of my sweet friend spending Christmas Eve in Virginia with family:

He seems to have changed a bit in the last two years. Funny how that happens to us. This was him in 2006 during the holidays. Didn't know him then, of course.

Don't know what the future holds for us exactly. But I'm quite looking forward to whatever it may be. God has really blessed me, not just in giving me this new friend who means so much already but also in all that I have and already had. I don't cease to be grateful for my limbs and senses being intact. I am also, during this terrible ecomic crisis, extremely grateful to have a job. I also have a great family and wonderful friends. My church is true to the teachings of Jesus Christ and I feel closer to God through the support I get from the fellowship and also the worship services. Hope everyone's new year is as wonderful as mine is going to be with God's help.