Restoring the Magdalene Spirit
I don't know what it is, but lately I've been having a hard time praying. To me, my relationship with God is just that: a relationship. It's not about rituals or penance or wanting to be "in God's good graces". I want to have a deep and highly involved love affair with God. I want to go to Him as a friend and to come to Him for comfort as His daughter.
But for some reason, I've had the strange notion that I cannot just go to Him. It's partly that I feel every time I do, I just want to ASK for things and I don't think God should be treated like the genie in the magic bottle who grants wishes. I know certain people like to cast spells, "visualize", use "The Secret", light Loteria candles, leave coins at a Buddha statue's feet or wear horseshoes and rabbit's feet. These are all methods human beings have used and continue to use since time immemorial to manipulate the forces of the universe they believe in. I believe in YHWH God, THE LORD ALMIGHTY who does listen to our prayers but who has unlimited wisdom in granting or refusing to grant certain things. I don't think it's right for me to try to manipulate Him.
So I go on...walking alone but knowing I am not. I want to reach up but I tell myself I should not. I'm not sure where I lost it along the way...the ability to walk with my God.
It's not that I forget Him. He is always on my mind. I need to just FOCUS and try to spark it up again: the wonderous love.
Believe it or not, I think technology will actually help me. You see, this blog is being brought to you by my new laptop which I will use (as soon as DSL is installed on 5/14) to cut and paste Bible verses onto new studies I plan to embark on. I'm very much looking forward to the time when I can spend hours reading and learning and being fascinated all over again by this powerful God I fell in love with years ago.
But for some reason, I've had the strange notion that I cannot just go to Him. It's partly that I feel every time I do, I just want to ASK for things and I don't think God should be treated like the genie in the magic bottle who grants wishes. I know certain people like to cast spells, "visualize", use "The Secret", light Loteria candles, leave coins at a Buddha statue's feet or wear horseshoes and rabbit's feet. These are all methods human beings have used and continue to use since time immemorial to manipulate the forces of the universe they believe in. I believe in YHWH God, THE LORD ALMIGHTY who does listen to our prayers but who has unlimited wisdom in granting or refusing to grant certain things. I don't think it's right for me to try to manipulate Him.
So I go on...walking alone but knowing I am not. I want to reach up but I tell myself I should not. I'm not sure where I lost it along the way...the ability to walk with my God.
It's not that I forget Him. He is always on my mind. I need to just FOCUS and try to spark it up again: the wonderous love.
Believe it or not, I think technology will actually help me. You see, this blog is being brought to you by my new laptop which I will use (as soon as DSL is installed on 5/14) to cut and paste Bible verses onto new studies I plan to embark on. I'm very much looking forward to the time when I can spend hours reading and learning and being fascinated all over again by this powerful God I fell in love with years ago.
posted by Spleengrrl @ 6:08 PM
2 Comments:
At 9:47 AM,
RV3 said…
Although I don't pray too often, I do pray from time to time. I mostly do it to give thanks... Thanks for food and shelter, thanks for my niece and nephew, thanks for kitties and gorgeous spring days...like today!
At 12:17 PM,
Spleengrrl said…
I'm surprised how hot it got today! Part of it is that the AC doesn't work in the office today so we're sweating it up in there.
Thanksgiving is a very important part of prayer and I do that too...I don't ever want to lose sight of all that God has given me.
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