Ridiculously Low Funds Do Not a Pampered Princess Make

"Don't count your chickens before they hatch," warned the wise Aesop and yet still I persist in dreaming of a plumper paycheck that may facilitate that lifestyle I crave: that of pampered princess. Okay, before you get worked up about my sick fantasy here, I don't mean I'd like to be this ill-tempered spoiled brat or anything, I just want to literally be pampered! If I'd been able to get some of the jobs I've recently sent out resumes for, I could get regular facials, massages, pedicures and conditioning treatments. (Sometimes when I really fly in the face of Aesop's wisdom, I also crave a new car, but not some shiny envy-enducing machine of pure glamour or speed, just a brand new Saturn as opposed to my eleven-year-old one.)

As it is all I can afford are monthly facials. This might seem pointless because the good Lord has blessed me with wonderful genes and I still get carded once in a while. (Like the last time I was at Trader Joe's and bought some wine, the college-aged cashier asked for my ID and I felt like crying, "Bless you, sonny!") So anyway...some might think I'd be better off using my feeble funds on a nice massage or that perhaps a pedicure would be more in order. Well, I do like pedicures during summertime as I wear open-toed shoes a lot and I guess it's best to have French-tipped toes peeping out at the world...and I've tried massages but they're not the calming, relaxing near-heavenly experience I expected: they are tortorous! Especially when they go over my poor damaged tissue on the left side of my back, where I once had my spleen kicked open maliciously. Facials, on the other hand, are indeed quite heavenly, especially when done right. I have a wonderful esthetician and even though it seems the spa she works in is kind of on the pricey side and I might be able to get cheaper ones, I don't have the heart to stop going to her. Plus, she's a Black Belt in Karate so I'm sure I don't have the guts to either.

Alas, I stupidly put in $5 of my hard-earned cash to the office lottery pool and I was even chosen to go buy it as my luck has yet to be tried. I don't believe in lotteries and I doubt very much we'll win and the point was ever-more painful as I handed the cashier $65 and received a handful of tickets with Quick Picks printed on them in return.